again i ask myself how i got here? to this point i so do not want to be in and how will i be able to get out. i dont know, sometimes i feel like i need to persevere and go through whatever i am given, but how will i know when to give up? when to move on? when to just let go?
im really not giving or trying with all my strength. i feel like im really not working that hard.i feel like im just doing certain things ( not all) just to get by and get it over with. and yet i wish i didnt. am i a sluggard :/ maybe.
i dont want to be a fool.
i have a feeling something big is going to happen to shake me , to truly awaken me from this really super deep sleep ive fallen into.
Psalm 32 (NIV)
Of David. A maskil.
" 1 Blessed is he
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered. 2 Blessed is the man
whose sin the LORD does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.
3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
Selah
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD "—
and you forgave
the guilt of my sin.
Selah
6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you
while you may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him.
7 You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.
9 Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.
10 Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.
11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!"
forgive me.
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